Soul searching
by joiedevivre2011
Summary: Takes place after 1x06 I Kissed a Girl. Their most recent case having made Jane curious, she and Maura have a conversation about Maura's romantic history. [one shot - revised ending]


OK - so this is another one shot I've been sitting on for a while now that was about 95% finished this time. I'm pretty sure it's safe enough to rate as T, but if it's too suggestive or whatever, let me know and I'll change the rating.

This takes place after 1x06 - I Kissed a Girl, in Jane's apartment.

Also, this was kinda sorta partially beta'd by shallow-seas-we-sail, when I first wrote the majority of it, mostly for content. If there are any grammatical errors or typos, those are my own. haha

* * *

"So...I'm curious. Have you ever been with a woman before?" Jane asked hesitantly. This case had gotten the wheels turning in her head and being the detective that she was, she felt compelled to have this conversation with Maura. Her gut was telling her to.

Maura shifted slightly on Jane's barstool and gripped her wine glass tighter. She looked down at it and gently raised one shoulder in a small shrug.

"Is that a yes?" Jane prodded.

"Mm. Yes," the dark blonde replied reluctantly.

"Of course you have," Jane muttered. "So was it like an experimentation kind of phase in college?"

Maura looked up, a pensive look on her face. "No, not really."

"'Not really'? What does that mean?"

"Hm, I wouldn't really call it a _phase_, Jane," Maura countered.

"What would you call it then?"

"Well, a phase implies that it has some sort of ending or conclusion," Maura elaborated.

Jane choked on the sip of her beer she'd taken and had to cough a few times to clear her throat. "I'm sorry, what?"

Maura frowned at the brunette. "You heard perfectly well what I said." Then she took a sip of her wine.

"So what you're saying is, you started sleeping with women at some point in college, and you, um, still do? Because it seems like you're implying there hasn't been a 'conclusion' to your sleeping with them," Jane threw out her hands in a confused gesture. "How did I not already know this?

Giving another small shrug, Maura replied, "You don't really ask me about my sex life, and I don't always volunteer information."

"I can't believe I'm about to ask this, but," Jane said slowly. "Have you been with a woman since we became friends?"

Maura shifted again, obviously uncomfortable with this turn in the conversation. "No."

"Oh. Why not?"

Taking a sip of her wine, she responded, "I don't particularly care to answer that."

"Why not?"

Maura took another sip of her wine, obviously contemplating how to reply without having to lie. "I simply haven't been attracted to any women since we met, Jane." She suddenly felt desperate for Jane to not read any further into that statement or analyze it.

"Oh." Suddenly Jane felt terrified because she knew Maura had carefully constructed her response, so she knew for a fact Maura was only giving her a half-truth. But Maura would see it as truth, not a lie, so of course she wouldn't break out in hives or faint.

The way Jane saw it, she now had two options. She could feign innocence and pretend she didn't suspect that Maura was hiding something, or rather, was skirting around the truth. Or she could just plow on ahead with exactly what she knew was the next logical question.

The problem with the former was that Maura would know anyway that she knew. She was a detective, after all. She could always tell when someone was hiding something. The problem with the latter, though, was that asking her next question, no matter how she decided to phrase it, would literally change everything about their relationship.

So while Jane was trying to make a decision as quickly as possible, it wouldn't matter anyway because Maura decided to make it for her.

"Jane," said Maura quietly.

"Hmm?" Jane murmured, breaking out of her focus on deciding her next step.

Her best friend sighed and swirled the little bit of wine left in her glass, avoiding her gaze. "Just ask me."

Jane swallowed hard. She felt more nervous than she could remember feeling in her adult life. Her stomach fluttered and she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "So if I were to say that I get the feeling that _I_ _personally_ have something to do with the fact that you haven't been attracted to a woman since we met," Jane paused, "would I be right?"

A simple, resounding response. "Yes."

Jane's stomach clenched tight at Maura's answer. She looked down at her beer bottle and picked at the label, as she thought about what she should say or ask next.

"It's because, um," Jane hesitated. "Because you're attracted to _me_?" It was a statement and question at the same time, her voice inflicting at the end because she was still slightly unsure.

Maura sucked in a breath. She hadn't fully expected Jane to actually say this directly, at least not yet. She drained the last bit of wine in her glass.

Meanwhile, Jane picked harder at her beer bottle label, tears suddenly springing to her eyes.

"Jane." Maura's voice was very soft. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

"You pretty much already have, Maura," Jane replied, still picking at the bottle label.

"You don't seem very...your reaction right now does not feel very positive," Maura observed.

The brunette breathed in, puffed out her cheeks and released her breath. "It's a lot for me to take in."

"You seem surprised though."

"Wouldn't you be too if you found out in the span of five minutes that not only does your best friend sleep with women, your best friend wants to sleep with _you_?" Jane replied.

"Well, I'm not sure how I would react, ultimately. It would most likely depend," Maura reasoned.

"On what?"

"On whether my best friend felt the same way or not," the honey blonde replied, attempting a small shrug.

Jane looked up then, right into Maura's eyes. "I don't know what I feel, Maura. I've never felt this way before about anyone, especially not a woman. I mean, I've always thought of myself as straight because I've never found myself attracted to women. So I just kinda left it there a long time ago."

"Wait, are you saying you're attracted to me?" Maura asked, confused.

"I don't know!" Jane replied, slightly exasperated. "I've never thought about it, because I've always had the door shut on being attracted to women. I just thought how I felt toward you was admiration and love, as a friend. I've never thought about it as being anything else, because I guess I've never _let_ myself think about it as anything else."

Maura remained silent, eyes fixed on her empty wine glass, her thumb and forefinger sliding slowly up and down the stem.

"You just gotta give me time to figure this out, Maur. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now."

"Okay." Maura willed herself not to cry.

"It doesn't mean that how I feel about you is only platonic. I'm saying I don't know if it is or not," Jane tried to explain.

Maura looked up at Jane. "Then kiss me," she replied suddenly.

Jane's eyes widened quickly in surprise. "What?"

"That will be your first 'test,' so to speak."

"Maur, I don't –"

Maura interrupted, "There's no point in trying anything else first if you don't even feel anything from a kiss, Jane. If you went on a date with a man and at the end of the night, kissed him, but you felt nothing, would you continue to date him?"

"Well, no," came Jane's short response.

"Precisely. So if you kiss me and feel nothing, we'll just try and forget about this. But if you do feel something, it's your first indication that you perhaps need to do some soul searching, Jane Rizzoli."

"You're crazy!"

"And you're stalling." Maura looked pointedly at Jane.

"No matter what, you have to promise things will not get awkward between us."

"I can't promise you that, because there is a possibility that they might. But I can, at the very least, promise you a good kiss," Maura replied with a grin.

"Cocky."

"Confident."

"I – got nothin'," Jane replied, deflated.

"Would you stop stalling and kiss me?"

Jane set her beer on the counter and walked around to Maura, who was sitting on her bar stool. She stood positioned between Maura's legs and placed her hands on the woman's upper thighs. Then she leaned in slowly and finally pressed her lips to Maura's.

The reddish blonde's lips were soft, supple, very smooth. Different than any man she'd kissed. There was no beard stubble to scratch her face, which instantly, in and of itself, made the kiss more enjoyable than all of the kisses she'd had.

Beyond the aesthetics, Jane also noted that, unlike all the men she'd ever kissed, Maura didn't try to take control. Their lip-locking felt more like a partnership, one with more balanced give and take. She felt like she could actually take control for once without having to fight for the dominance. It was an exhilarating and refreshing feeling for her.

That's why when Maura's lips parted slightly, Jane had no reservations about slipping her tongue in between them, parting them even further, causing the seated woman to whimper lightly. Jane immediately took a breath through her nose and lifted her arms to tangle her hands in the other woman's tresses, just behind her ears, effectively pulling her harder against her mouth. As their tongues met for the first time, a tingling at the base of Jane's spine sprang to life and this feeling she had only ever felt a handful of times before shocked her so much, she had to pull back from their kiss, gasping for air.

Jane immediately rested her forehead against Maura's and after several moments, the doctor pulled back, her hazel eyes searching the brunette's. "And the verdict is?" she whispered.

Shrugging, Jane smirked. "Guess I got some soul searchin' to do," she replied as she leaned in for another fiery kiss.


End file.
